Friday, September 18, 2009

President Shoots Earl DeRosa, Confesses Jameson Family Lies

Recordings of the interrogation of Garfield Jameson obtained by GU freedom fighter Amandel reveal that the president, who was taken into custody on Wednesday following the alleged cold-blooded murder of Earl DeRosa, has perpetuated a myth regarding the history of the Proscripts and Grotians. DeRosa, a supporter of the Grotians, was co-owner of the wildly popular Sticky Itchers Shower Scrub along with Randy Porknut.

When confronted with his lies, Jameson revealed that the cherished story of a dragon battle won by the Proscripts was a myth created by architect Edward Jameson's grandchildren in order to seize power. By creating fear of a fire-breathing monster, the frightened Grotians remained at home and were easier to kill.

Those who remained in Proscript towns and knew the truth were "re-educated" to maintain the secret and to keep the family in power. As we have learned through recent experience, re-education is another term for lobotomy. Listen to Jameson finally speaking the truth here:

DeRosa lost his life while trying to prevent Jameson from shooting former Surgeon General Phillip Thomas, himself a GU supporter, in the basement of his building, Purity Towers.

Earlier in the day at Jameson's office, the president taunted Porknut about his friend DeRosa falling for the GU operative Bertha Effenberger. Effenberger asked DeRosa to forgive her in this recent message:

When Jameson called him a moron, Porknut apparently replied with his fist, breaking Jameson's nose.

Meanwhile, DeRosa, acting on behalf of the Grotian Underground, went to the basement of Purity Towers. There he found Jameson's son, Xavier, and his personal assistant, Justin, among others. He told the assembled group, "Y'all can't just go around kidnapping the president and turning the power off," while acknowledging the harm done to them.

Around the same time Thomas went to see Jameson at his office. Thomas confronted the president about how he'd lost control of the country and how his security forces were losing faith in him. Thomas said, "Look around you Garfield. You can't even keep the lights on. Your trespasses have earned you this and you know it. Face it like a man." Thomas told Jameson that they needed to go to Purity Towers because his enemies were holding the basement of Thomas's building. Jameson asked for support if he could negotiate peace, but Thomas sternly replied that they should go. Jameson complied but took along his loaded weapon.

Once there, Jameson called the assembled group enemies of the state and admitted to killing Xavier's friend and GU organizer Melvin Smith, formerly the communications coordinator for Proscript Properties.

Thomas then explained that he'd been working to reverse the terrible re-education procedure. When Thomas said that Jameson would be removed from office when it's learned what he's done, Jameson threatened to kill him. Thomas exclaimed, "You're insane! Put the gun down and face the consequences of your actions." Jameson turned to shoot Thomas but instead hit DeRosa, who died a hero's death while attempting to stop him.

A short while later, Porknut arrived at the PT basement with a picture of Edward Jameson wearing his wedding ring. He soon learned from Thomas that his friend DeRosa had died.

Porknut, speaking to his departed friend, expressed regret for not seeing through Garfield's lies. He took the wedding ring from DeRosa's finger to see if it was a match to the one in the picture of Edward Jameson. He discovered it was and that it also matched a groove in the nearby wall. He inserted the ring, and the crypt door opened revealing the grave and plaque that identified Edward Jameson only as founder of Proscript Properties.

Porknut recounts his recollection of recent events:

The entire community mourns the losses of Earl DeRosa and Melvin Smith, two extraordinary friends to the GU.

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